2018 August

The Healing Power of Pleasure

By | female empowerment, Tantra | No Comments

pleasure, Tantra, Dominique Peters

 

Take a deep breath.

I want you to imagine what it feels like to take your first sip of hot coffee in the morning.

Or maybe how it feels to smell a bunch of fresh cut flowers. Or how it feels when somebody gives you a back rub after a long day sitting in front of the computer.

Feels good, doesn’t it?

This is what pleasure is. Pleasure is something that you feel first and foremost in your body. It’s anything that feels yummy & delicious.

One of the biggest misconceptions about pleasure is that it only means sexual pleasure. Now don’t get me wrong, my work is about helping both women and men experience more sexual pleasure, but the secret to feeling more sexual pleasure is to start feeling pleasure in all its forms.

Do you remember the last time you felt real pleasure in your body that wasn’t related to sex?

I blame our culture.

We are afraid of pleasure

In the west, we are pleasure-phobic because there is a deeply ingrained belief that we must work hard and suffer to be worthy. In the USA, workers receive an average of just 10 days paid holiday in a whole year- including Christmas Day! American workers are working more than ever before and taking less time off, is it any wonder that we are feeling more stressed than ever?

When I was trying to get some statistics for this article, I typed into Google, “Why pleasure is […]” and the first suggestion that came up was, “Why pleasure is bad”.

We have a deeply held belief (which you can trace back to our founding fathers’ Puritanical roots) that pleasure equals sin.

I invite you to sit for a minute and feel into what comes up for you when you think about pleasure. Are you worried it means going into excess? That it means hedonism? That it will become addictive in the same way we can become addicted to alcohol, fatty foods, cigarettes and recreational drugs?

If we are so deeply afraid of feeling pleasurable sensations, then I say no wonder we are feeling so stressed and disconnected from our bodies, and consequently aren’t enjoying sex!

Pleasure is medicine

I want to introduce a radical new way of thinking about pleasure: Pleasure as healing medicine. There is more scientific evidence coming out about how pleasure decreases stress hormones, increases all the feel-good hormones of oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins, inhibits inflammation and even slows down the aging process!

If it’s commonly acknowledged that stress is the number one cause of most serious illnesses and health conditions, then wouldn’t pleasure be the number one remedy?

In our fast-paced and overstressed society, we need to be doing more of what brings us real joy and lights us up.

Tantra teaches us that pleasure is medicine and that pleasure is a practice: this is what I teach to my clients.

Pleasure is a practice

Taking the time to cultivate pleasure in your life may not be easy at first. We have been so conditioned to shut down our authentic feelings, desires, and dreams that to reverse this behavior can take some work.

When I work with women, their most common resistance is that they don’t want to be “selfish”, “demanding” or they’re afraid of offending someone. They think they’re just too busy to focus on themselves, even if it’s just for 20 minutes a day and they’ve got no energy for it.

Can you hear yourself saying that, as you read this? What’s stopping you from taking 20 minutes a day doing something that brings you joy?

Cultivating pleasure means actively searching for what brings you a feeling of joy, bliss, and connectedness. It can be as simple as when you’re walking in your neighborhood and you smell the aroma of freshly baked bread as you walk past a bake shop, you stop for a few moments and allow yourself to inhale the smell. Or if you’re sitting inside your house reading the newspaper and you see that the sun is shining outside, that you go and sit in the garden and enjoy the sunshine.

Here’s my challenge to you:

Make a “bliss list” of everything that brings you pleasure, alone, with friends and with a partner. You’ll find that when you start making a conscious effort to experiencing more pleasure in your life, you’ll find more things that bring you pleasure!

If you want to take the next step to experience more joy, bliss, and pleasure in your life, I have tailored packages designed to support you using Tantric techniques and my signature program, the Sacred Sexual Compass.

I invite you to book a free 30-minute Sacred Compass Activation with me to see how it can transform your life by clicking here.

What is Sexual Empowerment?

By | Sex | No Comments

Dominique Peters, sexual empowerment, what is sexual empowerment

 

When I was growing up, my body didn’t belong to me.

I was taught that as a little girl, my body belonged to God and then my future husband. The idea that I could choose what I did with my body and who I shared it with never occurred to me until I chose to pursue sexual healing.

Being sexually empowered is something I choose to embody and teach.

But what does it mean to be sexually empowered? Does it mean that you have to have multiple lovers, be the kinkiest in the room or dress a certain way?

Absolutely not! Sexual empowerment is about freedom of choice and owning your sexuality, darling.

Here I’ll share what sexual empowerment means to me:

 

  1. You know your body

 

When you learned about your body in highschool, how much did they teach you about your sexual anatomy? Sure, you may have learned about the ovaries, the uterus, the testicles and the penis. But I bet they never taught you about the clitoris, the G-Spot (in both men and women!) the prostate or what feels really pleasurable.

Do you know your sexual response cycle? Do you know where you like to be touched? Do you know what kind of touch you like?

Sexual empowerment starts with knowing your body and how it functions. This also includes being responsible about your sexual health, using contraception and practising safer sex.

Making empowered choices about your body is sexy!

 

  1. You feel free to say “yes” and “no”

 

It sounds simple, being sexually empowered means you are free to say “YES!”, “No” or “Not Yet”. Many people do not have that power- and this is why sex without consent is not sex, it’s assault.

Consent is a word that is being used a lot these days- and for good reason! If you are not freely, enthusiastically and making an informed choice about what you are doing sexually, that is not consent.

Sexual empowerment is when you don’t feel under pressure to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do. Whether it’s pressure from your partner, your hookup or what you’re telling yourself that you “should” do something. Be mindful of this.

I want you to say “OH HELL YES!!” to sex, or at the very least, “Hmm, I’m not feeling it yet, maybe later?”.

Your body, your sexuality, your choice.

 

  1. You own your desires and you communicate them

 

Admit it, you’ve got fantasies, haven’t you? If you’re really honest with yourself, what do you most want to experience in the bedroom? What haven’t you tried yet that you’re secretly burning to try?

Whether it’s being tied up, trying handcuffs, a long and sensual massage or trying different sex toys, being sexually empowered is embracing your sexual desires as healthy.

This includes your kinks and dark fantasies, it’s time you owned them! Why not create a “sexual bucket list” of everything that you like and would like to try?

Once you know what you like (and what you don’t like!), you need to communicate this clearly with your partner(s).

Think about it, how can somebody else know what you like? When you go to a restaurant, don’t you tell the serving staff just how you like your steak done, or to not put too much cheese on your pasta? The same comes to sex!

Shake off that shame and voice what you want!

 

  1. You make up your own mind

 

Growing up, you will have been given lots of messages about your body, what was expected of your gender, about sex, sexuality, love, and relationships.

How much of what you were taught do YOU agree with today?

You are an adult and are free to make your own personal choices about YOUR body, YOUR relationships, and YOUR sexuality. (As long as it’s consensual!!).

Sexual empowerment is actively choosing what you believe, and deciding what you do with your life. Whether you choose to have multiple partners, only one partner or no partners at all. The choice is yours, my love. Don’t feel bad for what you believe and what you have chosen.

It’s also letting other people choose to live how they choose.

You are an infinite being with a beautiful sexuality.

May you be sexually empowered.

Dominique xx

Let’s get connected.

Intimacy starts with communication. Connection starts with authenticity. Let’s make this personal. 

You’re here because you deeply desire more intimacy, deeper connection, and more juiciness in your life and relationships. 


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Mahalo nui loa

Dominique xox

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