Dominique Peters

The 5 Love Languages, Valentines Day,

How to Give Love This Valentine’s Day: The 5 Love Languages

By | Love and Relationships | No Comments

We are officially moving into the season of LOVE and ROMANCE! (Omg, can you hear how excited I am already?!) As a sex and relationship coach and priestess of the sacred arts, I just love teaching my clients how to make love, be love and be IN love!

One of my all time favorite tools to recommend to my clients- whether you’re in a new relationship, a long term relationship, in a non-monogamous relationship or have been married for over 30 years- is The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Maybe you’ve heard of it already, as it is a classic, precisely because it’s so good.

All human beings want to be loved, and I believe that at our core essence (when you strip back all of the hurt, pain and anger that we accumulate during our lives) we just want to love others too. The beauty of the 5 Love Languages is that it doesn’t apply to romantic relationships either; you can use it with all of your relationships. With your parents, your family, with your children- heck, maybe even with your boss?!

This Valentine’s, I invite you to step into your true essence: LOVE.

The first step to working with the 5 Love Languages is to find out what your unique Love Languages are. View it here. You can also buy the original book, which I highly recommend you keep in your library.

How about using the 5 Love Languages to get really creative to show your partner how much you love them?

Here’s my take:


1. Physical Touch

As humans we are literally wired for touch; when babies are not given enough physical touch, they do not thrive. Depending on what culture you live in, I’ll guess that you are touch starved because you’re not getting enough physical contact! There are different levels of touch, and what you prefer will depend on the context. Do you prefer nurturing touch (gently holding, a soothing shoulder rub, holding hands)? Or maybe you love sensual touch (a whole body massage, a juicy foot rub, a full body caress)? Or, it can vary depending on the person you’re with.

Your body craves touch and connection, so I invite you to think about how important touch is for you in a relationship, and how you like to be touched.

Physical touch gifts:

Take a walk holding hands, offer to give a soothing foot rub or head massage, give your lover the gift of a full body sensual massage with scented oil, cocoon your beloved (or family member) in a blanket and hold them.


2. Words of Affirmation

How do you express your love, desire, and appreciation for your partner verbally? You may think that they already know, but hearing it from you can make a whole world of difference and make them feel loved. Building up your beloved with verbal praise can be a key part of a happy relationship. If you feel like you’re always nagging them, or you feel constantly criticized, then now is the time to get into the habit of positive affirmation.

Words of affirmation also works in the bedroom too! Do you praise them for what they are doing right? Do you tell them: “I LOVE IT WHEN YOU… ” or “You drive me wild when you do this…”, or “You feel so damn good when you…”. Our partners want to know they’re doing a good job, and building them up in the bedroom. It will definitely enhance your intimacy.

Words of Affirmation Gifts:

Tell your beloved how proud you are of them when they achieve one of their goals, tell them how much you appreciate when they do something helpful, tell your partner all the reasons why you love them and in the bedroom tell them how much what they are doing is turning you on.

3. Quality Time

In our busy lives, when we’re either working, running after the family or escaping onto our smartphones, it’s so easy to forget that one of the most precious gifts we can give is our time. If you think back to the memorable moments you’ve had together, you’ll find that it wasn’t necessarily about where you were, it was that you had time together. The things that you do and experience together are the ones that will stay in your memory for years, and make your bond even stronger.

How do you do you spend time with each other? Can you actually call it being together, while you are present and connected? I invite you to pay attention to the quality of your shared time together: Are you always on your phone? Do you numb out by watching TV? Are your thoughts always somewhere else? Are you just “too busy” to spend time with your beloved? (Hint, you are never too busy. You make time for what is truly important, so you need to figure out your priorities.

You only have so many hours in one day, and so many hours to spend with your beloved. How are you going to organize your time to show them how much you love them?

Quality Time Gifts:

Make time in your schedule to take your beloved out for a coffee one morning or afternoon, just the two of you. Make time at least three times a week to have a meal together where all technology is banned! Schedule a romantic getaway a few times a year, even if it’s just for one night. It doesn’t have to be anywhere expensive, what’s important is you go into your bubble.


4. Receiving Gifts

Does giving and receiving gifts seems like an important love language to you? Gifts don’t have to be expensive, it could be bringing your lover a cup of coffee in the morning, buying them their favorite cake, bringing home flowers or leaving love notes on the fridge. Whatever the gift is, it’s about making them feel you think about them not only on special occasions. You could combine your gift with the language of touch and give them a soothing massage before bed, with no expectation of anything in return.

Remember, the most valuable gifts we can give are gifts that come from a place of love and thoughtfulness. Think to yourself, how can I delight my beloved today? What would make them light up and smile?

Gift ideas:

If your partner is a coffee lover, make a habit of buying them some artisan coffee from time to time. Buy your partner some beautiful flowers- and yes, even if they are a man because men love flowers too! Leave your partner some little love notes around the house, or a note on the fridge when you leave for work every day. Send your partner little texts during the day to let them know that you’re thinking of them. Take them out for dinner every once in a while- yes, even if you are a woman and your partner is a man! The men in our lives need treating too, so taking care of each other works both ways.

5. Acts of Service

You know the saying how words don’t mean a thing without actions? The same goes in relationships. While showing your partner you love them with words is important, so is following through with your actions. Think about it, how important is feeling helped and supported in a relationship for you? It’s one thing for your beloved to tell you that they support you, it’s another for them to show it with what they do.

Acts of Service Gifts:

Make them them breakfast in bed. Decide to finally clean out the garage. Help them out with their taxes.  or taking the kids out to play so they can have some quiet time, with no expectation of anything in return.

If you desire to really bring your love life into its full potential, then the Orgasmic Breakthrough Bootcamp could be for you, goddess. I have 4 slots open until February 28th, and you can secure your spot today!

Click here to book your place, beauty!

6 Exquisite Ways to Practice Sensual Self-Care

By | female empowerment | No Comments

sensual self-care, Dominique Peters, Tantra, Tantra teacher

 

Take a breath for a moment and ask yourself this question: what does sensual self-care mean to you?

 

When you’re practicing “self-care”, what do you do?

Sure, self-care can be bubble baths, going for walks in nature or going on a retreat. It can also be what we call “boring self-care”, like making sure you eat regularly, paying your bills on time, going to medical appointments and keeping the bathroom clean. If you think of all the ways in which you could and should take care of yourself, you could list a lot of things.

If you’re struggling to find the time or the desire to do more self-care- because, let’s face it, life can get real hectic sometimes- you’re not alone! You’re tired out, overstretched and life is too busy.

And then you need to squeeze in time for sex too? Ha! In your dreams!

So what if I told you that how much you take care of yourself will affect your libido and your desire to be intimate with your honey? What if I also told you that self-care can be deeply sensual and pleasurable too?

Sensuality: you’ll see me use this word often, and it’s something I teach my clients. The key to nourishing your libido comes in nourishing your sensuality. So, when you neglect your sensual self, is it any surprise that your libido takes a hit too?

It’s time that you included feeding your sensuality into your self-care practice!

I’m going to share with you my 6 go-to sensual self-care practices that I swear by. Try them out, and then you’ll start finding your own.

1. Hand over your heart and yoni

The simplest acts are often the most effective and what you’ll keep coming back to. When you’re feeling scattered and dis-embodied, take a breath and check in with yourself. Place one hand over your heart and the other over your yoni/pelvis- depending on whether you’re in private or not. Take some breaths and tune into how you’re feeling energetically. Imagine there is a chord of light running between your heart and your yoni, and breathe! After a few breaths, feel into what is your body trying to tell you? What is your yoni trying to tell you?

2. Orgasmic movement

You KNOW you need to do more exercise… but if the thought of punishing yourself on the treadmill feels about as appealing as taking an ice bath, then I’ve got some good news!

You’re more likely to enjoy exercise when you actually ENJOY moving. If the exercises you’re currently doing feels more like a chore than a joy, maybe it’s time to switch it up?

Movement can be, and should feel, blissful.

It can be as simple as doing some hip circles and breaths, taking time to fully enjoy your yoga stretch or my FAVORITE: Orgasmic Yoga, also known as O-Yoga. It’s time you started to enjoy the real pleasure that you can cultivate in your body, so start to find out whatever movement you find the most blissful. Belly dancing, slow yoga, zumba or any sensual dancing are my favorites, but you need to find what works for you.

Whatever you do, treat it like a meditation and s-l-o-w-d-o-w-n to feel it.

3. Bathe like a goddess

Let me just say right here that bubble baths are delicious!

Sometimes there’s nothing more sensual than running a hot bath with some candles and delicious smelling oil and taking your time in the tub. My tip to you to make it more sensual and self-replenishing is to treat your bath as though you are bathing the goddess. Choose something divine smelling, you can actually take time to go and buy some bath gel or shower gel that smells SO DAMN GOOD that you can’t wait to get home and get under the water. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, or you may want to treat yourself and buy a more high-end product. Or, you can choose your favorite essential oils (make sure you dilute them with coconut oil or jojoba oil first!) and put them in your bath.

Whatever you decide on, make sure that it agrees with your skin, take care around bath products that could irritate your yoni and upset your delicate pH.

Treat this bath as a delicious meditation.

Switch your phone off, tell your family to not disturb you for 30 minutes and take your time. You can light some candles or burn some essential oil in a diffuser and even play some of your favorite music Really feel the hot water all over your body and how it feels touching your skin. Inhale the scents, rub the oils or product all over your skin and savor the moment. You can combine it with shaving your legs if you wish and when you come out of the bath, rub some scented lotion or even just coconut oil all over your skin.

Doesn’t that feel delicious?

4. Sensual self-massage

You can combine this with your goddess bathing, after a shower, on waking up or before you go to bed… or any time that you feel you need it! You can either use some heavenly scented lotion or body cream, plain coconut oil or if you’re in a hurry, just use your hands over your clothes.

The key is to tune into feeling your hands making contact with your skin, waking up your energy system and really feeling into your body. Take slow, sensual movements and take time to feel as much of your body as you can. Work up from your feet, your calves, your knees, thighs up to your butt, hips, waist, belly, breasts, to your neck, arms, hands and finally your face and head.

Treat this as a slow meditation of really FEELING yourself.

You can repeat some affirmations as you do it, “I am beautiful. I am a goddess. I am safe. I am divine. My body is beautiful. I am beautiful.”. You can also use this exercise as a self-soothing exercise when you’re feeling stressed.

5. Enjoy your coffee

Turn your morning cup of joe into a pleasure filled and nourishing practice. Yes, coffee can be both part of your self-care ritual AND a spiritual practice! If coffee isn’t your thing, you can substitute this with a cup of your favorite herbal tea or if you’re feeling particularly fancy, a cup of hot chocolate or cacao.

As you prepare your coffee, allow yourself to enjoy the aromas. Bathe in the delicious smell of your coffee and let it flood your senses. Allow yourself to salivate in anticipation of your hot cup of coffee. When you drink it, really, really SAVOR each mouthful. Let the taste roll over your tongue and feel it hit all of your pleasure spots. Allow yourself to savor and enjoy this delicious cup of liquid gold- even if it’s just for 5 minutes.

Allow yourself to ENJOY and be present.

6. Make self-pleasure a practice

You know that in order to master anything, you need to practice. You may have a regular yoga practice, you may go running, hiking or practice kickboxing each week. Maybe you have a regular meditation practice, you practice singing, you practice crochet or baking.

So… what if you made self-pleasure a practice too?

If it feels a little scary, I hear you. What would that commitment look like- a commitment to your pleasure and sexual wellness? You’re committing to making your sexual pleasure a priority- maybe for the first time in your life.

Regular self-pleasuring has SO many health benefits! From increasing blood flow, preventing vaginal atrophy, helping with incontinence and that regular orgasms are so good for your whole body. (An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away, eh?!).

Now, if you’re not in the habit of self-pleasuring at all, ever, then I hear you. If you would like to explore how you can increase the pleasure in your life and feel sexually alive again, I invite you to book a complimentary Sacred Compass Activation with me here.

 


 

What are your best sensual self-care practices? I’d love to hear from you because we are all so different. Maybe you didn’t resonate with any of my tools, and that’s ok! You find what activates your sensuality.

Whatever you do, do it with all of your senses!

Maholo nui loa

Dominique

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Mahalo nui loa

Dominique xox

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