When I was growing up, my body didn’t belong to me.
I was taught that as a little girl, my body belonged to God and then my future husband. The idea that I could choose what I did with my body and who I shared it with never occurred to me until I chose to pursue sexual healing.
Being sexually empowered is something I choose to embody and teach.
But what does it mean to be sexually empowered? Does it mean that you have to have multiple lovers, be the kinkiest in the room or dress a certain way?
Absolutely not! Sexual empowerment is about freedom of choice and owning your sexuality, darling.
Here I’ll share what sexual empowerment means to me:
You know your body
When you learned about your body in highschool, how much did they teach you about your sexual anatomy? Sure, you may have learned about the ovaries, the uterus, the testicles and the penis. But I bet they never taught you about the clitoris, the G-Spot (in both men and women!) the prostate or what feels really pleasurable.
Do you know your sexual response cycle? Do you know where you like to be touched? Do you know what kind of touch you like?
Sexual empowerment starts with knowing your body and how it functions. This also includes being responsible about your sexual health, using contraception and practising safer sex.
Making empowered choices about your body is sexy!
You feel free to say “yes” and “no”
It sounds simple, being sexually empowered means you are free to say “YES!”, “No” or “Not Yet”. Many people do not have that power- and this is why sex without consent is not sex, it’s assault.
Consent is a word that is being used a lot these days- and for good reason! If you are not freely, enthusiastically and making an informed choice about what you are doing sexually, that is not consent.
Sexual empowerment is when you don’t feel under pressure to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do. Whether it’s pressure from your partner, your hookup or what you’re telling yourself that you “should” do something. Be mindful of this.
I want you to say “OH HELL YES!!” to sex, or at the very least, “Hmm, I’m not feeling it yet, maybe later?”.
Your body, your sexuality, your choice.
You own your desires and you communicate them
Admit it, you’ve got fantasies, haven’t you? If you’re really honest with yourself, what do you most want to experience in the bedroom? What haven’t you tried yet that you’re secretly burning to try?
Whether it’s being tied up, trying handcuffs, a long and sensual massage or trying different sex toys, being sexually empowered is embracing your sexual desires as healthy.
This includes your kinks and dark fantasies, it’s time you owned them! Why not create a “sexual bucket list” of everything that you like and would like to try?
Once you know what you like (and what you don’t like!), you need to communicate this clearly with your partner(s).
Think about it, how can somebody else know what you like? When you go to a restaurant, don’t you tell the serving staff just how you like your steak done, or to not put too much cheese on your pasta? The same comes to sex!
Shake off that shame and voice what you want!
You make up your own mind
Growing up, you will have been given lots of messages about your body, what was expected of your gender, about sex, sexuality, love, and relationships.
How much of what you were taught do YOU agree with today?
You are an adult and are free to make your own personal choices about YOUR body, YOUR relationships, and YOUR sexuality. (As long as it’s consensual!!).
Sexual empowerment is actively choosing what you believe, and deciding what you do with your life. Whether you choose to have multiple partners, only one partner or no partners at all. The choice is yours, my love. Don’t feel bad for what you believe and what you have chosen.
It’s also letting other people choose to live how they choose.
You are an infinite being with a beautiful sexuality.
May you be sexually empowered.