Probably one of the questions I get asked the most about my work, “What IS Tantric sex?”
Before I answer this question, I kinda want to clarify a few things about Tantra in general. Yes, it is an insanely powerful sexual healing tool. Yes, it’s about embracing pleasure and creating magic with orgasms. Yes, you can experience your full pleasure potential.
But it’s not actually just about sex!
Or rather, the sex that you think it means.
There are actually many schools of tantra with different lineages. Many people say that tantra has nothing to do with sex and it is purely a spiritual practice that’s related to yoga. I do partly agree with this, in that tantra is way more than just how to have bigger orgasms or last longer in bed.
Tantra is a way of life for me.
It’s a whole practice of being, surrendering, breathing, and how I relate to life. Many tantric meditations and exercises I do aren’t sexual, per se, but about opening my energy and connecting to the divine. I can be tantric when I’m doing the dishes, walking in the forest, making dinner, writing, painting, singing or just meditating.
I trained with one of the world’s leading tantric experts, the late Psalm Isadora, as well as one of the world’s leading sexologists, Dr. Patti Britton. In all of my tantric and sexological exploration, I am always reminded of this:
Ecstasy and bliss can be found in everything, including the most mundane of tasks.
You ascend by descending into the present moment, into your body and into your senses. And tantra embraces sexuality and sexual energy as a path to enlightenment too.
Now, you don’t have to become a tantric master or practice for 10 years before you can practice tantra and benefit from the exercises. You can start right now! Don’t get hung up on trying to master anything because tantra is an experiential practice. You experience by practicing and there’s no such thing as perfection.
When you bring tantra into your lovemaking, you will add such an intense depth to your connection.
This is how I define tantric sex and how you can start becoming a tantric lover:
- Slowing right down and being present.
- Setting an intention for what you want to experience and create, both for yourself and with your partner.
- Honoring your partner and yourself as manifestations of the divine.
- Using your breath.
- Circulating your sexual energy.
- Making it goal-less.
- Being authentic and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
- Honoring the boundaries, wishes, and desires of your partner.
- Surrendering into safety.
- Having concern and care for your partner.
Could you add anything else? Whenever I ask this question to both my clients and students and my colleagues, I’m amazed at the many responses I get.
Now I want to clear up some myths that tantric sex most definitely is not, especially in the light of abuses of power coming from many leading tantra schools.
Tantric sex is NOT:
- Intense eye gazing to the point that your partner feels uncomfortable.
- Offering a “tantric massage” without clear boundaries or establishing consent.
- Becoming obsessed with lasting for 3 hours.
- Refusing to wear a condom because it “blocks energy”.
- Not believing in STIs because “my vibration is too high”.
- Not listening to your partner’s boundaries or listening to their, “No”, because you think you know best.
- Giving a yoni massage and trying to make a woman ejaculate without listening to her body.
- Only something that somebody who is enlightened can do.
- Only something that a man and a woman can do together.
I believe that you can make any moment with your lover tantric and that you don’t have to make it last for hours. You can use the principles of tantra and infuse them into your lovemaking wherever you are in your journey.
If you want to learn to bring intimacy, authenticity, passion, and presence into your love life using tantra, I offer limited spaces on a 1:1 coaching program just for women. Get in touch with me here to book your free Sacred Compass Activation and see if we’re the right fit for each other.