Healing from sexual trauma is not a quick fix, but it is possible. Here my 3 best practices that I use with clients to help find your safe space and come home to yourself again.
We are officially moving into the season of LOVE and ROMANCE! (Omg, can you hear how excited I am already?!) As a sex and relationship coach and priestess of the sacred arts, I just love teaching my clients how to make love, be love and be IN love!
One of my
All human beings want to be loved, and I believe that at our core essence (when you strip back all of the hurt, pain and anger that we accumulate during our lives) we just want to love others too. The beauty of the 5 Love Languages is that it doesn’t apply to romantic relationships either; you can use it with all of your relationships. With your parents, your family, with your children- heck, maybe even with your boss?!
This Valentine’s, I invite you to step into your true essence: LOVE.
The first step to working with the 5 Love Languages is to find out what your unique Love Languages are. View it here. You can also buy the original book, which I highly recommend you keep in your library.
How about using the 5 Love Languages to get really creative to show your partner how much you love them?
Here’s my take:
1. Physical Touch
As humans we are literally wired for touch; when babies are not given enough physical touch, they do not thrive. Depending on what culture you live in, I’ll guess that you are touch starved because you’re not getting enough physical contact! There are different levels of touch, and what you prefer will depend on the context. Do you prefer nurturing touch (gently holding, a soothing shoulder rub, holding hands)? Or maybe you love sensual touch (a whole body massage, a juicy foot rub, a full body caress)? Or, it can vary depending on the person you’re with.
Your body craves touch and connection, so I invite you to think about how important touch is for you in a relationship, and how you like to be touched.
Physical touch gifts:
Take a walk holding hands, offer to give a soothing foot rub or head massage, give your lover the gift of a full body sensual massage with scented oil, cocoon your beloved (or family member) in a blanket and hold them.
2. Words of Affirmation
How do you express your love, desire, and appreciation for your partner verbally? You may think that they already know, but hearing it from you can make a whole world of difference and make them feel loved. Building up your beloved with verbal praise can be a key part of a happy relationship. If you feel like you’re always nagging them, or you feel constantly criticized, then now is the time to get into the habit of positive affirmation.
Words of affirmation also works in the bedroom too! Do you praise them for what they are doing right? Do you tell them: “I LOVE IT WHEN YOU… ” or “You drive me wild when you do this…”, or “You feel so damn good when you…”. Our partners want to know they’re doing a good job, and building them up in the bedroom. It will definitely enhance your intimacy.
Words of Affirmation Gifts:
Tell your beloved how proud you are of them when they achieve one of their goals, tell them how much you appreciate when they do something helpful, tell your partner all the reasons why you love them and in the bedroom tell them how much what they are doing is turning you on.
3. Quality Time
In our busy lives, when we’re either working, running after the family or escaping onto our smartphones, it’s so easy to forget that one of the most precious gifts we can give is our time. If you think back to the memorable moments you’ve had together, you’ll find that it wasn’t necessarily about where you were, it was that you had time together. The things that you do and experience together are the ones that will stay in your memory for years, and make your bond even stronger.
How do you do you spend time with each other? Can you actually call it being together, while you are present and connected? I invite you to pay attention to the quality of your shared time together: Are you always on your phone? Do you numb out by watching TV? Are your thoughts always somewhere else? Are you just “too busy” to spend time with your beloved? (Hint, you are never too busy. You make time for what is truly important, so you need to figure out your priorities.
You only have so many hours in one day, and so many hours to spend with your beloved. How are you going to organize your time to show them how much you love them?
Quality Time Gifts:
Make time in your schedule to take your beloved out for a coffee one morning or afternoon, just the two of you. Make time at least three times a week to have a meal together where all technology is banned! Schedule a romantic getaway a few times a year, even if it’s just for one night. It doesn’t have to be anywhere expensive, what’s important is you go into your bubble.
4. Receiving Gifts
Does giving and receiving gifts seems like an important love language to you? Gifts don’t have to be expensive, it could be bringing your lover a cup of coffee in the morning, buying them their favorite cake, bringing home flowers or leaving love notes on the fridge. Whatever the gift is, it’s about making them feel you think about them not only on special occasions. You could combine your gift with the language of touch and give them a soothing massage before bed, with no expectation of anything in return.
Remember, the most valuable gifts we can give are gifts that come from a place of love and thoughtfulness. Think to yourself, how can I delight my beloved today? What would make them light up and smile?
If your partner is a coffee lover, make a habit of buying them some artisan coffee from time to time. Buy your partner some beautiful flowers- and yes, even if they are a man because men love flowers too! Leave your partner some little love notes around the house, or a note on the fridge when you leave for work every day. Send your partner little texts during the day to let them know that you’re thinking of them. Take them out for dinner every once in a while- yes, even if you are a woman and your partner is a man! The men in our lives need treating too, so taking care of each other works both ways.
5. Acts of Service
You know the saying how words don’t mean a thing without actions? The same goes in relationships. While showing your partner you love them with words is important, so is following through with your actions. Think about it, how important is feeling helped and supported in a relationship for you? It’s one thing for your beloved to tell you that they support you, it’s another for them to show it with what they do.
Acts of Service Gifts:
Make them them breakfast in bed. Decide to finally clean out the garage. Help them out with their taxes. or taking the kids out to play so they can have some quiet time, with no expectation of anything in return.
If you desire to really bring your love life into its full potential, then the Orgasmic Breakthrough Bootcamp could be for you, goddess. I have 4 slots open until February 28th, and you can secure your spot today!
What if your holiday season could be completely stress-free? The biggest secret to beating stress is by practicing extreme self-care!